This is my beautiful little sister, Carollyn.  Actually we are only 13 months apart so for most of our life, it feels as though we are the same age.  She lives with her husband and 2 little girls very far away from me.  When I moved 6 hours away from my hometown to be Ian, I left a lot of people I loved and it was hard but moving so far from Carollyn was extremely hard.  I knew we were going to have some pretty big milestones ahead of us, such as each of our marriages, career changes, new homes and CHILDREN and having her nearby would have been so wonderful.  Amidst our busy lives though, we always take time for eachother.  Thankfully she is only a phone call, email or text away and despite how time keeps on going, we make time to keep in touch.  Also, thankfully we can drive to see eachother and our families. 
Every time we part though, I am so sad.  Our kids are close in age and have so much fun together and our husbands enjoy eachother's company as well - business and sports being their main conversation!  I wish we could just go our for dinner together, or go to the movies, or babysit eachother's children... so many times we could share if distance wasn't in the way.  The bright side is that when we do see eachother it is always fun and lots of bonding happens.  She came here a couple of weeks ago with her girls and it was so much fun (I posted about that with lots of pictures). 
I'm missing her this week.

I'm going to add her to my Gratitude Jounal:

• I am so thankful for my sister, Carollyn. 
• I am also thankful for her husband Matt and my nieces, Clare and Alison.

Continuing With My Gratitude Journal

I re-started my Gratitude Journal again yesterday... here is a continuation of what I am thankful for:

• Grace (again) - She takes things in stride, is easily proud of herself and not too hard on herself.  Today she performed at the Renfrew Music Festival and was judged on her piano-playing ability and she did amazing.  We are so proud of her.
• For evenings when the kids can entertain and play with eachother AND  get-along.  It was a peaceful evening while making dinner tonight and I am so thankful for that.
• Ian's patience and support of me.  No matter what I say or how I act, he is calm during the storm.
• My brother's new-found strength... keep it up!
• My comfy bed and a good book to read.



Alex, Grace and Jean - on one of our many hikes in the bush and fields surrounding our home.



Feeling Sorry

Have you every felt sorry for yourself?  I think we all go through times where we can't seem to find a way out of our thoughts.  My thoughts have taken over... maybe I have too much time to think or maybe I'm looking for something I don't have.  Maybe I am feeling like my life has become some sort of a routine I go through every day while others seem to find more joy, more excitement, and more happiness.  I am happy though.  I know I have the life I always wanted - the husband whom I love with all my heart, happy and healthy kids, a great family home and balance.  In recent years I've been striving for balance between home, kids and career.  I don't have any regrets about my decision to resign from teaching and take on our family and business as my career.  I am so thankful for that choice and that Ian supports me 100%.
I am missing something though.  I'm not quite sure what it is but I feel so lonely sometimes... lonely for something that I can't put my finger on.  There has been a change over the last few years in my relationships.  I am really missing that one person I can go to for ANYTHING (other than Ian... is that bad?).  It seems like everyone I know is carrying on in their own lives and I'm missing something.  Writing about this puts in out there and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.  I don't want to hurt anyone or let my loved ones know that I'm feeling blue but I can't stop thinking about it - feeling sorry for myself.  My poor husband notices my sadness but doesn't know what to do. 
I hope I can turn a corner soon - hoping that things will change and I can move on from this endless feeling of sorrow - I want to feel joyful again.  Over the years I've gone to writing a journal where I list what I'm thankful for.  I need to try it again so here goes:

I Am So Thankful For a.k.a. My Gratitude Journal:
1.  Grace - my oldest child.   She is beautiful, smart and daring.  She shows so much love and creativity.  Her giving spirit is what makes her so loveable!
2.  Alex - my middle and only boy!  He gives me his love unconditionally everyday.  Sometimes having a mommy's boy is a challenge but I am so thankful that I'm one of his favourite people.  He has a great imagination.
3.  Jean - my baby girl.  She has a strong spirit that she showed the moment she was born!  Already she has a sense-of-self that many dream of having.  She also has a beautiful little singing voice.
4.  Ian - I was told a few days ago that when we look similar to our partners it means we are soulmates.  He is definitely mine and we do look like we could be related!  I knew he was mine when we just started dating - I feel the most comfortable with him and never want to be apart.  He supports everything I do and I hope I do the same for him.
5.  My Marriage - I am so thankful for my relationship with Ian.  I grew up in a home where the marriage was very weak... it could have crumbled at any time and eventually did.  I feel that our marriage has weathered a few storms and is still as strong as ever.  We are celebrating 10 years this summer and it feel like it has gone by way too fast. 
6.  My Home... and I try to make it a welcome place for everyone who visits.  It is sometimes a disaster and certainly takes a lot of work to keep up (and a lot of money to maintain) but I am so thankful to belong in it.  I always feel safe here and happy to raise our family here.
7.  Our Health... so far so good.  That is all I'm going to say about that - it could change in an instant.
8.  Extended Family - grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, and brothers. 
9.  Friends - Sometimes I feel we have neglected this area of our life.  Our friendships/relationships have changed in the past few years and it has been difficult to maintain good relationships.  Here's hoping for better times soon...
10.  Our business - Sometimes I feel like it has taken over our life... actually it has!  Despite that, it is what sustains us, puts food on the table, clothes on our backs and allows us to live a good life. 

I could go on and on about what I'm thankful for and maybe I should continue this list as time goes by.  Do I feel better after writing this all out?  A little bit.   

Spending Time with the Girls

 This past weekend we had my sister, Carollyn, and her two little girls, Clare and Alison, visit us.  They specificially came up to see Grace dance in her second competition but it was also to spend some great time together.  It was a fabulous weekend FULL of outside fun, relaxation, and a good trip to Gatineau for the dance competition, and sisterly bonding.  The moment they left I missed them like crazy...

Enjoy the pictures.