Jean has spent the last two years at home with me - just the two of us every day. We had to keep busy because she was bored a lot of the time; she has been so fortunate to have siblings but they have always "entertained" her and for the days when they were at school she had to learn to play by herself. We had a lot of playdates and preschool activities but nothing would be as wonderful for her as going to school along with Grace and Alex.
That day came much too quickly but I tried very hard to look forward to it. It reminds me of when I went back to work after my maternity leave with our first child. That year was heavenly with my new baby and going back to my daily job as a teacher was going to be difficult but I felt that I needed to get back to it so I talked myself into going back into the classroom. The first few months back were not bad (after a very teary first day) but we had a wonderful home daycare to send her off to every day and she loved it there. A few months into working though, I started to fall apart. I had a hard time watching parents who could drop their child off at school, who could volunteer in my classroom and who could pick up their child when their child was sick (although, as a teacher, I could have done that... but that wasn't on my mind at that time). I had talked myself into working again and I just wasn't happy doing it. Thankfully after we had our second child, we made it manageable so I that I could stay home with our children and be their primary caregiver. Let's get back to my main topic... sending Jean off to school.
My second week with her gone to school has been a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. I miss her little chatter and her company. The other day I went grocery shopping and as soon as I left home I was missing her. I had no one to talk to (I also had no one to be cross with and give warning after warning to not touch things, keep her hands to herself, to stay with me etc.) and I missed our conversations. I did finish my shopping in record time and probably spent a little less but despite all of that, I felt sad. This is going to be a diffifult transition for me. As with my issues of going back to work and deciding that it just didn't feel right, I am not going to take Jean out of school just so I have her at home with me. This is a good change - it is time for her to go to school and have new experiences away from her parents. No doubt she will spend some much needed rest time at home but it will be for her not me. I am going to try to embrace my new-found freedom but it is going to take some time. Needless to say, after the bus leaves in the morning the day goes by very quickly but I am so happy to see it arrive back with my little people...
Heaven help me when the kids leave home for good...
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