It's a Jungle Out There

I felt an emotional tug this afternoon as I watched our children step off the bus.  It was a rainy afternoon so I drove to the end of the laneway and waited for them to hop in to the van.  Usually they are rambunctious, hungry, have stories to tell me and many times they are arguing with eachother over who gets to sit in the front, who gets to tell their story first and who gets to sit in my lap and drive back to the house (a little fun for farm kids with long laneways).  Today, though, Jean got off the bus with a defeated, very sad look on her face.  She was just a hair away from crying and it was the first thing I saw.  She got into the van crying very loudly as she tried her best to keep Alex out of the front even though he wanted to sit with her on the passenger seat.  I could just tell there was more to her cry than what he was doing... I could feel it.  As we started driving down the lane, I asked her if anything else was wrong and she quickly told me her story.  It is a common story in her life right now.  A girl in her class and also on the bus was mean to her and Jean gave me some details.  My heart breaks for her - she has struggled many, many times with this one girl but there are other accounts of her struggles with others as well.  I can just imagine what lies ahead for her in the coming years.  Luckily though, once she told me about her day, the issue vanished and she seemed fine.  She had a very big snack and relaxed on the couch for a little while.  Then she carried on with her usual antics of finding some flamboyant outfit, putting it on and prancing around the house.  Our little Jean was in a great mood once again.

After supper I headed out to a much anticipated workshop on the "Complexities of the Social Jungle:  How we Anchor Children Towards Growing Resilience"; presented by Darlene Denis-Friske BA, CYW, CYC.  http://www.neufeldinstitute.com/blog/author/darlene-denis-friske/. 
What perfect timing.  I have just discovered her website and will be a frequent visitor.
I have heard her speak in the past and I find she speaks straight to my heart.  Tonight there was more than once instance where I had to hold back my tears.  Everything she says makes sense to me.  I can't possibly go into detail about the workshop tonight because I still need to process it myself.  I was doing my best explaining it to Ian afterwards but even that was disjointed.  I will list my "take-away" thoughts and maybe it will help me remember and instill what I heard:

• Ian and I are doing a great job!  I have to list this point first so that on days where I feel we have failed our children, I can go back and read this and know that we are on the right track.  We are not perfect and I make many, many mistakes but overall we are creating a solid anchor for them and we know what is important.  I will NEVER regret staying at home with our children -EVER!  I want to be there for them whenever they need us and we know that sometimes we don't realize when those moments present themselves. 
• We have a busy life.  Between the farm, meetings and the kid's activities, we are a busy crew but one of my favourite moments during the day is when they return from school.  I love being able to walk down the lane (on nice days) and just chat with them about their day and listen to their stories, good and bad.  Once we get in the house, though, it can quickly change.  Chaos can strike and that moment of connection can fade away.  I am realizing how valuable those moments are... we are lucky.
• Sometimes (most of the time, actually) all we need to do is listen to our children.  They don't always need us to come up with solutions to their problems; they can come up with solutions themselves but just need someone to listen.
• The adults in our children's life are very important.  As parents, we are the most important and the most impressive.  They need us to support them and bring them back to themselves.  We create the boundaries, rules and guidelines and we need to remember that.  Friends are important but family is the most important.  Their heart always needs to be with us when they are children.

I have always enjoyed child psychology and learning the best ways to communicate with children.  I want to give any child I come into contact with some positive vibes and support - not just my own three kids.  I highly (and I mean HIGHLY) recommend taking the time to learn and reflect on how we as adults, can guide our children through their childhood and beyond.  It's a jungle out there!